[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
So, what's this guy's story?
He came here and he died. The end.
I think I'm in the wrong place?
Don't distract me! I've got...
other... things on my mind.
Would it be too much to ask for
this thing to ignore me?
That should scare it off, huh?
Maybe I killed it. It's just
limping its final moments now.
No, that's not really limping,
huh? This should help.
Here, let's do this right.
I cannot think of a better use...
But, just in case... let me in!
I'M FREAKING OUT! I LIED!
YOUR TERMS ARE UNACCEPTABLE!
AND QUIT SHOOTING YOUR WHITE...
SPIDER-WEB... HELL MILK!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT!
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD DO WITHOUT IT!
I don't need to hear your opinion;
I already know what it is!
Oh, boy. What a day,
what a day, what a day...
Well, that thing ran off.
That's about the first good thing
that's happened since I got here.
So, what's the story on this guy?
Was he killed by the monster
or did he just... fall?
You know, that other researcher
was hanging half on the ledge,
like he was just fucking dumped there.
I have a theory: we may have sent a LOT
of researchers out here... like, hundreds.
We didn't really know where to
point the teleporter so we just guessed?
I'm not seeing too many
because look around.
The odds of hitting one of these
islands out of this...
gaseous cloud is kind of slim.
Oh, is that another teleporter?
Oh, that would be perfect! Yeah!
Hey, this isn't a teleporter;
it's just a puddle!
Well, better than the other way.
But yeah, I bet it was raining
researchers all over the place.
That would explain why there have been
random batteries and
first aid kits lying around.
They probably got scattered in the falls.
Oh, God! Is there no other around?
Well, I'm out of rockets!
I guess I'll go with the MP5;
it has the grenade launcher.
I don't understand how
that thing is still alive!
I've taken down TANKS with the
firepower I've blasted into it.
That thing didn't look like a cyborg.
I didn't see any armored plating.
Hey, what was it that
guy in the lab said?
There's some sort of creature,
I'll know when I see it?
So, if I kill it, does that mean that
they'll teleport me back? That'd be nice.
Oh my God, there are rockets in here!
This brings me closer to my
comfort zone.
But, yeah, they're not going to
teleport me back.
[rumbling sound]
Just like all the others.
Well NOW would be a great time
for it to NOT charge.
I need one of those
mech-suits like in Alien
so where I can just throw
it off into the void.
I'd need a lot of mass, though; this
thing really throws its weight around.
Yeah, that's good.
You just... stay there.
I have a present for you.
As the Ambassador of Earth, I wish to
give you this gift on behalf of my people.
Actually, I have a few,
you can have all of them.
It's what my planet would've
wanted, I'm sure of it.
But, more importantly,
it's what I want.
I guess I'm not really the best
ambassador come to think of it,
but, hey, I'm all you get.
Okay, now just keep standing there; this is
a very important part of the ceremony.
We have to get the photos
and attend the luncheon...
NO! STAY THERE! YOU'LL RUIN THE SHOT!
NOTHING'S IMMUNE TO EXPLOSIVES!
IS THIS WHAT GOD LOOKS LIKE?!
This isn't what I pictured at all!
I'M NOT READY FOR YOUR TRUTH!
Oh, you're going to
throw things at me?!
FINE! I'LL THROW THINGS AT YOU!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
THEOLOGISTS DON'T KNOW WHAT
THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT!
NONE OF THE MAJOR RELIGIONS COVER THIS!
Ah! I don't like where this is going;
I'll eventually run out of ammo!
But you'll never run out of
being an alien!
A wise man once said,
"Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ."
Y'know, I have a new theory:
I think, instead of teleporting me, maybe
the scientists just blew up the universe.
We found a way to do it
--we were really motivated--
but since I was wearing
this suit, I survived
and that's why all I see are
other people wearing this suit
and the laws of reality and everything
else just got scrambled a little bit?
No, that can't be right. Then my
weapons wouldn't still be here.
Sorry. I'm a little out of it.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the
universe still exists.
That's kind of too bad
because the alternatives...
I kind of hope I don't need these; they're
giving me nothing but bad memories.
Oh, a pad thing, huh? That's
convenient in a pain-in-the-ass way.
I'd burn this whole
place down if I could.
And is there REALLY no other way
besides THIS cave?!
Hey, that rock's levitating.
All those explosives didn't
cause any air currents?
Y'know, I got these rockets off the dead
guys; maybe they're just dummy rounds.
After all, if we had hundreds of
researchers falling from the sky,
you don't want to equip all of
them. That's a waste.
Yeah, those scientists aren't
going to teleport me back.
I mean, for starters, I'd beat
the shit out of them.
I might kill them, I don't know.
It depends on what they would say.
Well, so far, so not dead.
Good! I like-- Whoa! Kind of slick.
Oh, that's right. Low gravity.
This is still shit.
GOD! GET OFF MY FACE!
YOU'RE LIKE HOPPING LEECHES!
WHAT?! ENJOYING THE SHOW?!
MAY AS WELL USE THEM, RIGHT?!
Oh! That was a good one!
Hey, I've got one more!
THAT'S YOUR SIDE! STAY ON YOUR SIDE!
GOD! GET ME OUT OF HERE! ANYTHING!